Lost At Sea (Part One)

Her father shook her. "Did you hear me? If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about!"
The look in his eyes set off warning sirens in her head. She wanted to run for cover, but it was too late. From the corner of her eye, she saw her three-year-old baby brother, his eyes transfixed with terror. Don't worry, baby. I won't tell him who really did it.


When her father's temper unleashed, it reminded her of the rain's driving fury when it pounded the tin roof of their house. He would beat her until, his energy spent, he stopped as suddenly as he'd started.

"Stop crying. That's an order."


Ten-year-old Lucy sucked in her breath, teeth clenched over her lower lip. Boiling tears spilled down her cheeks.

She screamed as his hand connected with her raw buttocks again and again. Summoning a strength she didn't know she owned, she managed to swallow her emotions and stand silent before him, her bare body covered in weeping welts and bruises. No one ever noticed them hidden beneath her clothes.




When he finished punishing her for her brother's crime of eating a piece of fruit he'd been saving, she crawled into bed and buried her face in the pillow, allowing the softest of sobs to escape. Every day, it seemed she was in trouble for something. In time, the pain subsided to a dull ache, and she drifted off to sleep, praying to the God she'd heard about in church to please help her not to be so naughty anymore.

Her father's hand touched her shoulder. Instantly awake, her body stiffened.


"I'm sorry. Can we be friends now?"

"Yes." She'd learned the hard way not to say anything else.


"Good," he said, leaving the room.


They would both pretend nothing happened and life would smolder on.




She fared no better with her mother. Lucy's entire existence, or so it seemed to her child's mind, was for the sole purpose of making them unhappy. Each day when she woke, she promised herself she wouldn't arouse their anger, but it seemed useless. She was always in trouble no matter how hard she tried to be good.

Later that week, she went to the kitchen.

"Mom, am I adopted?"

"No, of course not. Why do you ask?"
"I just wondered," Lucy replied. If I was, maybe someone out there loves me. Maybe they'll come back for me one day, she thought.

"Change your clothes. You look like a tramp."

Lucy sighed. "But Jodi gave me this blouse for my birthday."

"Well, it looks ridiculous on you." Her mother burst into tears. "I don't know why I can't have pretty daughters like all my friends. Why did I get stuck with you? It's my birthday today and you don't even care!"


"Yes, I do!" Lucy said, thinking of all the time she'd spent picking out a beautiful birthday card in the shape of a heart for her mom, with ribbons and lace all over it. "I love you, Mom." She recalled the joyous feeling she'd experienced in finding this perfect card. Mom will love it. It's so pretty. It cost every penny of her allowance to buy it.

"Get out of my sight."


Lucy hung her head and walked to her bedroom to change. She spent a lot of time playing with her imaginary friends out in the lane behind their house, but that day she knew better than to go outside. Tiptoeing back into the family room, she sat down next to her brother. He was watching 'Little House on the Prairie.'


I wonder what it's like to have a dad who actually hugs you. Her heart ached when she watched Michael Landon embracing his on-screen daughter.


"Lucy!" Her mother's voice drowned out the television.


Jumping to her feet, Lucy hurried back through the dining room into the kitchen. Her shoulders sagged when she saw the birthday card in her mother's hands. With her father gone on a business trip, her mother's rage seemed inescapable.


"You don't love me!" her mother shrieked. "Why did you give me this card? You are a trouble maker and you've ruined my day." Holding the card as far away from her body as she could reach, she tore it up.



Lucy sank to the ground, and picked up the pieces of the card. Sobbing, she clutched the pink lace and cardboard to her chest, as tears stained the printed words. Her mother's voice still echoed in the distance as Lucy escaped into her own unfeeling emptiness.



The heart card was ruined. Lucy never forgot she'd been branded worthless.


She kept those pieces hidden away in a drawer for years.

When Lucy grew up, she gathered them up and put them in a bottle along with some tears and a note that said, "How could anyone ever love me?"

Corking the bottle, she walked down to the ocean and threw her heart away.



Author's Note: Please don't despair. This isn't the end of Lucy's story. Part Two will be posted in a moment.